


Could It Be, Could It Be?

by actualjohnwatson, The Little MerBucky (blue_pointer)



Series: Dead in Places [7]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: And he dosen't always handle them gracefully, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Brigadoon is kind of appropriate here, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cute 50's songs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flirting, Fluff and Angst, Hot Tub, Iron Soldier, Iron Winter, M/M, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Secret Messages, Showers, Singing, Stupid In Love, Tattoos, Tony Stark Has Issues, West Side Story mindfuck, buckyxtony, dark irish eyes, emotional panic attack, jungle fun, memento - Freeform, poor sweet Bucky bear, so much crying, steve rogers the bane of all winteriron, temporary tattoos, what would Tony's patronus be?, when the person you love is so obstinate you have to write it on their body, winteriron, yer a wizard harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-10-17 04:07:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10586106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/actualjohnwatson/pseuds/actualjohnwatson, https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_pointer/pseuds/The%20Little%20MerBucky
Summary: When Tony is finally forced to face the fact he has feelings for the man who murdered his parents, angst happens. Bucky does his best to comfort Tony, but it only makes matters worse. Until Tony pulls himself out of it with some aggressive flirting. Bucky is determined not to give in, to take care of Tony. And Tony resolves to help Bucky realize his worth, no matter what.





	1. How Come You Look So Sad?

**Author's Note:**

> Someday we will share the soundtrack for all of this. So many winteriron songs...

Tony is so comfortable.  So- "You know what's funny? I feel really relaxed. Maybe it's the coming, but I think it's you."

Bucky’s face feels a little hot. He’s not sure what to say to that. So he just kisses Tony again, harder this time. Holding on to Tony, he turns on the water and steps into the rainfall of the shower. “You’re gonna have to do the washing, honey,” Bucky tells him with a hesitant smile. “My hands are full.”

"Look, you're carrying me with two arms." Tony points out, tucking his head under Bucky’s chin.

Bucky hadn’t even thought about it. How odd is that? Maybe it’s easy to forget he was a cripple because he’d spent so little time conscious with only one arm.

Tony shakes his head, bemused. "You can set me down if you want. If you want to sit. I can't really stand but that doesn't mean I'm your ragdoll."

Bucky snorts a laugh. “What if I don’t wanna set you down? Ever?” He has two arms now, maybe that’s why: for holding Tony.

"'Tony Stark hires personal assistant to carry him everywhere.' Sounds like a great tabloid article."

Bucky would actually be okay with that.

He puts on his newscaster voice, "Tony Stark too rich to walk? More at 11:00."

Bucky smiles a little more. “Well, if I did, what’re you gonna do about it?” He nuzzles Tony playfully.

Tony tilts his head back in the spray. "Um, is fight you an option?"

At that, Bucky looks stricken. His heart leaps into his throat before sinking like a lead weight in his chest. “Please...don’t. No more.” He doesn’t want to fight Tony again. He didn’t really want to the first time, but his programming… Does Tony want him to put him down? Does he want Bucky to go away?

Tony shakes the water from his hair and looks back at Bucky's heartbroken face. Shit. He’s fucked this up. He wraps his arms around Bucky's neck. "Hey, no no no it was just a joke because you're-" it was a joke he'd had with Steve. A long time ago. "You’re big. I didn't mean it." He holds Bucky tight.

Bucky squeezes Tony a little. “Please, I don’t wanna do that again. Not ever.” Not with Tony. And not seeing what it had done to Steve. Sleep is better. There’s no fighting when he’s asleep.

"Set me down, come on. I want to hold you. Okay? Can you do that for me, angel?"

Bucky doesn’t say anything in reply, but he does move to the wall and slowly slide down to his knees. He sits back, holding Tony in his lap.  

Awful. _Look what you've done. He's all hollow-eyed again._ "Never again, honey. I promise."

Bucky rests his cheek against Tony’s wet hair, just looking sad.

He kneels up, wrapping his arms tight around Bucky, burying his face in Bucky's neck, expecting despondence. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Bucky. It was just a stupid joke. I didn't mean it." So stupid.

Bucky re-wraps his arms around Tony, wanting as much contact as possible, crushing their bodies together. “I’m sorry. I...don’t understand jokes...very much.” How sad is that? He feels like Pinocchio. Without strings, he’s not sure how to act.

"That one wasn't very funny." If he could kick his own ass, he gladly would. "Don't be sorry. You didn't say the idiotic thing." He's so grateful for the contact. So grateful to be touched.

Bucky starts to rock Tony a little. “No...it probably was. I just...I didn’t get it. Sorry...I’m sorry.” He pets Tony’s hair. So weird to have two arms again.

"Stop it. Stop apologizing.”

His vehemence startles Bucky, who looks down at Tony.  

“You didn't do anything. You didn't do anything wrong."

A lot of blinking is happening. Are they talking about…his parents?

Tony's on the verge of tears suddenly, swallowing his own guilt.

“Hey.” Bucky touches his cheek. “Don’t do that.” Why is he so upset?

"Fuck, baby, you didn't do anything wrong. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

“Shhh. Hey.” Bucky kisses Tony’s brow. “If I’m not allowed to apologize, neither are you.” He pets Tony’s hair. “Deal?”

Tony shakes his head. "No. I shouldn't--I shouldn't be here.” What is he doing? Bucky loves him. He’s going to fuck this up too. First Pepper and then Steve...And Bucky. Bucky’s been through so much. Tony’s the last person he needs.

Bucky feels cold. Is Tony leaving again?

“You--why am I here?”

“Please don’t leave, Tony.” He’s more worried about that than he is about answering difficult questions.  

“You should be with Steve, you belong with Steve." Steve wouldn’t fuck him up. So good and kind and brave. Bucky deserves someone like that.

“I’m a danger to Steve. You were gonna help me. Remember?”

Tony can't run, he can't physically run away. He has nowhere to go. Giving up seems weak. So weak. It's what he's become. He lets himself cry in the shower, all over Bucky. Apologizes for that too.

Bucky just holds him and pets him. What’s happened to his small sassy friend? “Please don’t be sad, Tony. I...I like havin’ you here.”

"I don't know why you want me. I really don't.”

“I like you...please?” Why won’t Tony let Bucky like him?

“You deserve someone better. You deserve him."

 _I deserve a bullet in my brain. “_ I don’t deserve nothin’,” Bucky says. “But I like...when you’re here. Please? Please don’t go?”

He can't stop sobbing now. Can't catch his breath. This is not quiet sobbing. These are great heaving sobs that shake his chest. He clings to Bucky, half ashamed, half grateful for someone to hold.

Bucky just holds him tight, wiping Tony’s face every now and then. “Please don’t do this,” he says. “Don’t hurt my Tony.” Because something inside Tony is doing this to him, and it makes Bucky sad. He doesn’t know how to fight it. “I...like him.” He brushes Tony’s hair back from his temple.

"I don't want to leave.” And despite knowing, _knowing_ Bucky would be better off with Steve. He can’t leave. Bucky--for whatever reason--genuinely cares for him. And that in Tony Stark’s world is rare.

Is there hope? Bucky has to believe some part of Tony wants to stay.

“I want to stay with you. Let me stay with you."

Bucky gives him a squeeze. “I feel so much better when you’re here. Stay?”

In Tony’s mind, Bucky deserves so much better. So much better than a broken old man. "It hurts."

“I’m sorry.” This is upsetting. Bucky doesn’t know what to do to help.

Tony whispers, still sobbing. "When I'm with you it doesn't hurt as bad.”

Bucky tilts Tony’s face up and kisses him, even though he’s still crying and there’s snot as well as tears. He just kisses him over and over, wanting Tony to know how much he wants to help. How he feels when Tony is here with him.

"I'll stay as long as I can... I don't want to leave. Don't want to lose you." He's lost so much.

Bucky just holds and hugs him. Tony wants him. It’s just a dream, but it feels nice. Dream Tony wants to stay with him.

Bucky being here is enough. Being with someone is enough. Someone who...cares for him. Against all odds, wants him. His wracking sobs slowly turn to sniffles. When he's here -wherever he is- he's not alone.

Bucky reaches back to wet his hand so that he can wipe Tony’s face clean. “I love you.” It’s a dream. It doesn’t matter if he says it, right? It doesn’t matter if he’s not able to have those feelings anymore. This is as much as he’s felt. So he can say it. “Don’t be sad.” Bucky kisses his forehead. “Stay.”

Tony looks up, soft wet brown eyes round and wide, on the verge of tears again.

“God, your eyes are pretty.” Bucky’s just going to say everything he’s thinking now. Fuck it. It’s a dream. It doesn’t matter. He pets fingers through Tony’s hair, gently stroking his scalp.

"I--" _don't know what to say_ , "I'm-" _not sure what to say back_. So Tony clings, wrapping himself around Bucky, quietly sobbing.

 _Oh no, he’s crying again._ They’re never going to get clean like this. Bucky stands with Tony in his arms and walks out of the shower. There’s a jacuzzi.

Where are they going? Cold. Wet. It makes Tony hold on even tighter.

Bucky steps into the jacuzzi and settles Tony comfortably in his lap. The hot water feels good. He just holds Tony against him and keeps petting him, hoping he’ll relax.

Tony takes Bucky's hand and places it on his cheek. He leans in to Bucky's palm. Something about that is special.

 _That is. Maybe the cutest thing ever._ Committed to saying what he thinks, Bucky does. “Why are you so cute?” How did the world’s cutest kitten put on a big tin can and almost kill him?

"Thought I was sexy." Tony murmurs, breath catching in his chest. He sniffles.

Bucky strokes Tony’s cheek with his thumb. “You are. I just fucked you till you couldn’t walk, didn’t I? That’s pretty sexy.” He bends to kiss Tony’s other cheek.

"You did. You did do that. But uh doesn't that make you the sexy one?" He's looking up, a hint of a smirk on his face.

 _Gosh, so cute._ “No.” Bucky shakes his head. “You’re cute. Why are you so cute?” He never got this question answered.

"Cute and sexy huh? I think I've just got you charmed, angel. "

Bucky looks away, embarrassed. Why is Tony teasing him?

Tony sinks into the warm welcoming water. It loosens some of the anxiety in his chest. He tries to lean his head on Bucky's chest to listen to Bucky's heartbeat, face half-submerged in the water.

Bucky sits up so that Tony can rest against him safely. He continues to pet Tony’s hair. His soft kitten hair.

He knows listening to Bucky’s heartbeat makes Tony feel better. But it also puts him to sleep. “Will you look at the arm? Before you go?” Because that’s what happens when Tony sleeps.

"Don't wanna go. Pinch me. Pinch me really hard." His chest hurts. He's not going to sleep anytime soon. Too much crying.

Bucky reaches down to pinch Tony’s buttcheek, but not that hard. “What, like that?”

"Who's that gonna wake up? Not me. I wanna stick around. Harder than that."

Bucky uses his metal hand this time, harder, but not too hard. “Like that?”

Tony wiggles his ass a little. "Yeah...just like that."

 _Oh wow, that’s…_ Bucky reaches for some soap, because he really wants to give Tony’s ass a rest, and they’re not even cleaned up yet. He lathers up his hands and starts to rub soap over Tony’s body. “Stop it,” he says softly. Why is he so flirty?

"Stop what? Being cute and sexy?" He's honestly starting to feel a little bit better, suppressing his emotional response to-- _nope_. This is better than all that.

That makes Bucky feel even more embarrassed. He wants to hide under the water. “No....just. Stop...flirtin’.” He rubs soap over Tony’s back. “I’m tryin’ to give your ass a break. Tryin’ to take care of you.”

"If I could just turn it off, hot stuff, I would. You can take care of me while I flirt with you, can't you angel face?" He buries his nose in Bucky's neck.

“Hnnn!” Distracting. Tony’s very distracting. Bucky does his best to wash him without giving in to all the flirting, but. “You’re distracting,” he complains, rubbing soapy hands over Tony’s backside.

"Do you like it?"

Wow, he just won’t quit. Bucky breathes, moves his hands away from Tony’s behind, tries to form an answer to that question. “I...I like _you_.” So, yes, effectively. He loves the distraction. But that doesn’t make Tony less of a distraction.

So he's being a bit...overly affectionate, so sue him. He's loved. "You’re beautiful. We're even," he murmurs into Bucky's neck, fingers tip-toeing over Bucky's metal arm.

“Am not.” So distracting. Bucky can feel Tony’s fingers as well as see them, dancing flirtatiously up his prosthetic arm. “You’re...you’re silly.” Why does his face feel so hot?

"You are. You're my angel aren't you? Stunning." He tugs gently on Bucky's earlobe.

Bucky whimpers a little. So hard to say no to Tony. He tilts his head, trying to hide his earlobe from Tony’s fingers. “I’m your...if you want me, I’m yours.” Can’t look at Tony. Embarrassed.

"Beautiful. I'm right about this. Usually right, but extra right about you.”

Bucky whimpers softly. It’s hard to take so many compliments. But he’s trying not to argue with them anyway.

Tony nods, smirking "I want you. I thought I had made that abundantly clear."

“I meant…” Oh gosh. So embarrassing. Bucky’s losing what few words he has.

He runs his hand down the planes of Bucky's chest down under the water over his abs, stopping short at Bucky's navel.

Bucky shivers, closing his eyes.  

"What do you like about me? Do you like my mouth?"

 _Oh god._ Why is he doing this? “I...yes. Love your mouth. Your lips.” Bucky’s trying so hard not to kiss them, though. He’s trying to take care of Tony. Trying to give him a break.

"Do you, say...want to fuck it?" He looks up through his lashes, licks his lips.

“Stop!” Bucky hides his face in Tony’s shoulder. “I’m tryin’ to take care of you. Tryin’ to be good.”

"When's the last time-" No. He doesn't want to know. It was Steve. Probably within the last month. _Don't do that to yourself. "_ Would it be so bad, if somebody took care of you instead? _"_

“I don’t deserve that,” Bucky mumbles into Tony’s shoulder. “So...yes.” It would be bad. Bad enough Tony was offering to help him, but take care of him? Bucky could never ask that. Especially not of Tony. He’s not even allowed to want it. Good things should not happen to him.

"Who says?"

 _Everybody,_ Bucky thinks. But he doesn’t say it.

Tony frowns, "I think you do. Does my opinion not matter?"

“‘course it does.” Everything Tony thinks matters.

He moves, lifting Bucky's head off his shoulder. To look at him proper. “You matter because I said."

It’s hard to look at Tony. See things there that he doesn’t deserve. Bucky rests his forehead against Tony’s, closing his eyes again. “If I matter to you…” Then that’s alright. He can live for Tony. He owes him at least that much.

"So you matter. And I can give you this can't I? So I can blow you."

Bucky blinks. Oh, Tony was talking about--sexually. Just taking care of his orgasm. He feels really stupid. Bucky speaks softly. “Honey, you can do whatever you want to me, but. Not right now...okay?” He kisses Tony’s forehead. “Right now I just wanna clean you up and sit together for a little bit. ...okay?” It’s not that Bucky isn’t hard as a rock for Tony, but it appears that will be his natural state in Tony’s vicinity. And they can’t have sex ALL the time. They had talked about...plans. Or had that been a different dream? Maybe this is just the sex dream. Bucky nuzzles Tony apologetically.

"But-" _You love me._ "That's not right." The sex kitten thing he’s doing with his voice starts warbling into whiny.

Bucky’s not sure what Tony means by that, but he can tell he’s upset him. _Dammit._

His heart sinks. "I wanted-" _to show you how I feel_ , "to make you feel like you matter. To me."

Bucky smiles, cupping Tony’s face and kissing his cheek. “Honey, you’re here with me. That’s everything. I don’t need you to...do that to show me you care.” Bucky kisses him on the lips, lingering, trying to convey some of his own feeling for Tony. “You’re like my sunshine here.” He strokes Tony’s cheek. “You’re enough. Just you.”

Tony shifts off Bucky's lap, leaning his head  back against the edge of the tub. Watching Bucky soap himself up, a bit mournfully. Something about that bothers him. He’s surrounded by darkness. The nightmares. It’s all self-inflicted.

Bucky hurries to get clean, then returns to Tony and leans in to kiss him while he rinses out his poor sore behind.

"I'm breaking you out of there. That's it. No more sitting in the dark alone." A fierce need  to save Bucky from himself inflames Tony's heart.

“Alright, Sunshine.” Tony sure is worked up. Wouldn’t it be strange if the real Tony felt this way? Bucky’s enjoying this dream, though. It’s...nice. “Let’s finish washing up, and we can talk more about it.” He makes sure he hasn’t missed a spot on Tony.

Tony scowls. He wants to talk about it now."You have a lot of nightmares, don't you? A long string of nightmares."

Bucky sighs. Shrugs. “I like this dream.” He smiles. “Not a nightmare.” And the good thing about cryo is that he doesn’t always dream.

Tony narrows his eyes. "You didn't answer the question." He's got to do something. No more misery.

“Sure, I have nightmares.” Bucky smiles a little. “But so do you. Right?” But he doesn’t even need to ask. He knows Tony does.

"Honey, when I found you, you were in tears. How long had that been going on? If you can't wake up from them-" _it's psychological torture, and he's doing it to himself._

Bucky shrugs. “How’m I supposed to wake up from them when I’m asleep?”

"I want to make sure that's where you want to be. Instead of-" _Here with me_. "Free."

“What?” Bucky stops and looks up at Tony, confused. “You think I want to have nightmares? No way.” But it’s not like he has a choice. “At least they go away sometimes. Like now.” He smiles at Tony. “And it’s not the end of the world. Not so long as there’s someone to wake up to.” That gives him pause. But he pushes on, refusing to go there right now.

"Let's talk about that. Is there someone to wake up to?”

Bucky looks hurt. “You know there isn’t anyone. And if Steve’s there, it’s not safe for me to wake up.” He lifts Tony out of the tub and sets him on a sauna bench, starting to dry him off.  

Now it’s Tony's turn to look hurt. "Nobody? Nobody you'd want to see? Nobody would make life a little bit less..." How was he feeling exactly? "Hard?"

Bucky stands up, touching Tony’s cheek. “That depends. Are you gonna be there?” Of course he’s not. This is a dream. But it seems like Tony’s fishing for a certain answer. So Bucky can pretend. He’ll pretend this isn’t a dream, and Tony Stark wants to help him, and have sex with him, and claim him.

"Yes. I'm going to be there. And you'd rather be with me, right?"

"I..." Bucky does want that. So much. He's afraid to say how much. So instead, he just presses himself against Tony and kisses him. Almost desperately.


	2. When I go away some nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Bucky try and sort out some of Tony's abandonment issues the best way they can. With a lot of love and a lot of passion.

“Just so we're clear. You want...what?"

Why is Tony making him say it? “You said...you wanted to help me…” Maybe it doesn’t matter. This is all just a dream anyhow. Bucky hangs a towel over his shoulders and keeps patting Tony’s skin dry.

Tony breathes a little sigh of relief, "I did say that. I wanted to make sure you still wanted it."

“What--” When had he said any differently? “You think sex changed my mind?” It’s hard not to smile at how ridiculous that sounds.

"If anything, I'm sure it convinced you otherwise."

Bucky smirks. "You fucked me till I changed my mind?"

"Didn't I?" Tony smirks, closing his eyes.

Bucky snorts. "We were already talking about showing me flying cars and how to wake me up without telling Steve before that." He pinches Tony's ass again, more gently. "You just couldn't wait." He's trying to tease. Did it work? Bucky's bad at this. Can't quite remember how.

"You're the one acting so weird, not me." Miffed.

"I am not." Bucky kisses him. Cute tyrant Tony is hard to resist.

Loved. It feels good to remember how that felt. Bittersweet. Since...Bucky is Bucky.

"I wish this wasn't a dream," Bucky says softly after he stops kissing Tony, pressing a knuckle into his eye. Don't cry, Bucky. He can't remember feeling like this about anyone. But he must have at some point, because how else could he dream about it?

Tony’s not so sure it is. "I want to remember. I've got to remember." He gets to wake up. Bucky doesn't. Such sad eyes. Tony cups Bucky's cheek. "I'm going to get you out. Then it won't be. I'll take you away if I have to. I'm not leaving you in here. Help me remember?" Desperate. Only a little, but it starts to seep into his voice.

Bucky nods. It’s just a dream. A false hope. But he can pretend, right? It doesn’t hurt to pretend that someone wants him to wake up besides Steve. Someone small and funny and cute and smart and really sexy.

Tony wonders, can he stand? It's been...long enough to feel emotionally exhausted. So _maybe_ \-- _ow. Sore_. Tony grimaces, takes a few steps, feels like...Bambi. He laughs a little. "Carry me?"

Bucky automatically scoops him up. He hadn't expected Tony to try to stand. He carries him into the next room and finds a big comfy chair with blankets. He sits down with Tony in his lap, wrapping blankets around both of them. “Hold out your arm.” Bucky reaches out beside the chair they’re sitting in and finds a permanent marker. Tony said to help him remember… Bucky used to do this, back when he first escaped, to help him remember things. Because he would black out a lot at first. He takes off the marker’s cap with his teeth, ready to get to work.

"Oh yeah, this'll keep me awake. Great." Tony wants to stay desperately. This is not-- _god, so comfortable. So warm._ He shifts so his head is lying on the arm of the chair.

Bucky pinches him. Hard. He doesn't want Tony to leave again.

"Okay ow." He sits up. Nips Bucky's shoulder in retaliation. But he's awake.

“Ow yourself,” Bucky tells him, gently biting Tony’s neck.

Tony smirks, "You started it, angel. You kissed me remember?" And then Tony pounced on him, sure.

“I like kissin’ you,” Bucky confesses, kissing Tony hard, biting his lips until they part.

Tony wraps himself around Bucky, wanting skin to skin, desperate for the contact. What happened to sitting and talking? Whatever.

Bucky chuckles against Tony’s lips, holding the marker out and away so he doesn’t leave a mark he didn’t mean to on Tony’s skin. “Oh, baby,” he groans. “We better stop, or you’re gonna get me hard again.” Though that seems to be his natural state around Tony. And he’d really wanted to just sit and do this, talk for a little while. Maybe if they put clothes on… “Where’s your jeans? You’d better cover that sweet ass before I abuse it again.” Bucky loves Tony’s ass. Even though he’s just torn it up.

"You started it. Again.”

Okay, but he didn’t mean to. Tony’s just so hard to resist.

“And if you are you may as well let me blow you. Come on honey, please?" He bites his lip, eyes wide.

Bucky whimpers a little. He can’t really hide that he’s been hard this whole time. Just…  “Okay. After I finish this.” He holds up the marker. “And after, we gotta talk. And you owe me a Hallmark card.” He’s trying to be firm. _Be strong, Bucky._ _Don’t think about how much you’ve been wanting to shut Tony up by putting your dick in his mouth for hours now._

Tony leans back, holding his arm up obediently, satisfied smirk on his face. "I'm holding you to it, sugar. No take backs." Tony fucking Stark gets what he wants.

“Brat,” Bucky grumbles. He should write that on one of Tony’s butt cheeks. But he’s not sure he can bring himself to mar perfection. Tony looks skeptical but holds out his arm. Bucky cradles Tony’s hand in his metal palm and starts to paint, lightly, across the meaty ball of Tony’s thumb. It’s relaxing. Did he used to do art? No, that was Steve. But this feels familiar somehow.

"You love me." He's so pleased with himself. It's a bit obnoxious. He knows.

Bucky does. All the same, he’s in the process of writing _Why are you like this?_ up Tony’s arm.

"What are you doing?" It's hard not to pull away. Tickles.

“Shh.” Bucky kisses Tony’s wrist before he starts painting across it. “I’m writing you a message. So you remember.” He kisses Tony’s ear. Adorable. Next, he takes Tony’s wrist and continues writing his first question up Tony’s arm, taking his time with the pen strokes, making the letters look stylized.

Tony sighs. Tries not to think about--about heartbreak. About his beautiful soldiering artist.  No. No more crying.

Seeing Tony looking sad, Bucky pauses to reach up and comb fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck.

He immediately feels guilty thinking about Steve, even the massive hurt that Steve caused, while Bucky’s showering him with attention. "You're beautiful, Bucky. And kind."

Bucky’s not sure he agrees with that, but it will upset Tony to argue, and he can tell Tony’s already upset. So he just pets him and waits to see if Tony will talk about it.

Tony isn't going to talk about Steve. Not unless he's prompted, and even then. He's spent the last three months trying to forget Steve. Bucky's safe. Bucky loves him. Bucky--"Stay with me." His voice is measured. He can not handle anyone leaving him again.

“I will.” Bucky leans his forehead against Tony’s hair, still petting him. “I’ll stay with you forever--” No, he might not want that. “Long as you want me to.” He drops a kiss on Tony’s cheekbone.

"Forever. As long as you want to stay." He doesn't want it to be a dream. He doesn't want to be left alone again.

“Forever.” Bucky suddenly loves that word, and he says it with feeling, wrapping his arms around Tony’s neck and squeezing him as best he can without smudging the ink. He starts to rain kisses on Tony’s cheek, jaw, and neck. Can’t stop.

He'd really love to enjoy this feeling of being wanted and needed but his instincts are screaming that this is a trap.

“I love you, Tony.” Bucky’s nuzzling him, trying not to say those three words over and over and scare him off when he feels the mood shift.  

"If you leave me..." _you will destroy me_ , "...for Cap, I totally understand. He's perfect."

Bucky pulls back to look at him. “If I wanted to be with Steve, I would be. I’m here with you.” What’s this feeling? Hurt? Betrayal? “You said you would be there when I wake up.” Wait, he’d said he was doing it for Steve. _Oh._ Now Bucky understands.

"I will be.”

“Then stay.” Bucky’s voice breaks. “Why--” He wants to ask why Tony would let Bucky love him and then leave. But he knows the answer: because he doesn’t deserve Tony. Even if Tony weren’t Steve’s boyfriend, Bucky doesn’t deserve anything from him. Maybe it’s just payback. He deserves that.

“If you want to be with Steve after, I understand. He’s far from perfect...” And Bucky’s not even saying that out of petty jealousy; it’s just the truth. He’s known Steve almost their whole lives. “But. I--” He shrugs, trying to pretend like it doesn’t hurt. “I understand.” They were together before Bucky came back. They should be together after. But then why won’t Tony just let him sleep? Why give him hope?

He keeps on writing on Tony’s arm, pretending that his eyes aren’t welling up. He’d said he wanted Tony to take care of Steve, and he’d meant it. He just. Hadn’t been in love with Tony then.

Tony curls with his head on  Bucky's chest. "Steve doesn't want me anymore, honey." He's not angry.  He's just sad. "He has you." That's what this has been about. His subconscious telling him to let Steve go.

“Well **I** want you!” Bucky raises his voice, but it just sounds whiny because of the crying. He wipes snot on the back of his hand, tears falling in Tony’s hair. “I don’t care if Steve does-- **I** do.”

"Why?" _When you can have him?_ "I tried to kill you."

“I deserved it.” Bucky is clinging again. “Please don’t leave. You said! You said I could stay. Were you lying?”

“No, baby. No you didn’t. You deserve to live. You deserve..." _him_. "To be happy."

“No I don’t.” Bucky puts a hand up to catch some of the tears, so close to ugly crying. “But I’ll help you--I’ll help you get back with Steve if that’s what you want.” He can at least do that much for Tony.

He wrinkles his nose. “I don’t want to get back with Steve, I just think...I'm not the person you want."

“Then you’re stupid, and I hate you.” Still clinging, Bucky pets Tony’s hair. “Stay. You promised.”

That stings. Tony pulls back a little. "I'm not going anywhere honey. I'm not. Okay? Look at me. I'm not."

Bucky rests his forehead against Tony’s, cradling his face with both hands. “I want you. So much.” He clings to Tony again. “Come find me. Stay. Don’t give me away. I want _you_. You said I’m yours. You said.”

"I didn't say I was leaving." Deep breath. "I said I wanted you to stay because-" _I love you._ "Because...you love me." Fail.

“Then let me stay!” Bucky clings to Tony for dear life.

"I want you to stay. I'm not--I want you to stay as long as you want. What I'm saying is, if you want to leave I wouldn't blame you."

Bucky covers Tony’s mouth with his palm when he starts to talk about leaving again. “No. You want me to stay. Period. I love you. Stop talking about leaving. Please.” His tone on the last word is begging Tony.

It's not like Tony can protest. Or move. So he waits until Bucky removes his hand, then he wraps himself around Bucky like a koala bear. "I don't want to leave, dummy. I love you," he murmurs into Bucky's neck. So quiet only a super soldier could hear.

Bucky is cradling Tony against him when he hears those words. Now he’s crying again, but not ugly-crying. Crying with relief. “I love you.” He kisses Tony’s hair, his temples, his cheeks, whatever he can reach. “You make me happy.” He pets Tony’s hair. “Sunshine.”

He shushes Bucky holding him tight."I'm coming to get you. Because I think you deserve to be happy."

“Just come.” Bucky wipes the moisture from his face before kissing Tony’s eyelids. “Just come.” He’ll beg if he has to.

This is breaking his heart. "I--you're mine. You're my angel." Tony closes his eyes. Too emotional. He won't be crying again. He won't do it.

Bucky pets Tony’s cheeks, kissing his forehead. He feels better. If Tony says he’s his, all that’s left is for Tony to claim him. And keep him.

Tony stays suspiciously quiet. If he speaks he will cry again and he's done with all that. Clings tighter.

Bucky keeps holding him, petting his hair and kissing him.

"Oh, I'm coming. I'm coming for you. Because you deserve to be happy. Say it. Say you deserve to be happy. I need to hear it." So when Bucky leaves with Steve, an inevitability, he can let Bucky go too.

“No.” Bucky wipes his nose, stubborn. “You come for me, and then I’ll believe it. Not until then.” He strokes Tony’s hair. “Prove it. You come prove it to me.”

Tony huffs, frustrated. "Give me the damn marker. Give it." He holds out his hand expectantly.

Bucky gives it to him, blinking.

He scoots back, lifts Bucky's chin and in neat block letters writes, across his chest, 'I'm James Buchanan Barnes and I deserve to be happy.'

Bucky’s not sure what Tony’s writing, but he’s excited. Is Tony claiming him?

"There." He caps the marker and leans against the armrest. "You deserve to be happy, you fuck."

“YOU fuck!” Bucky shoves at him, playfully. But when he glances down, he sees Tony didn’t claim him. He takes the cap back off the marker. “And?” He prompts Tony.

Tony rolls his eyes, takes the marker and adds, 'Because Tony Stark says so.' He stops, licks his lips, nervous, his hands shake a tad bit. 'Because he loves me.'

Wow, Tony sure is writing a lot. Bucky doesn’t imagine it takes that many strokes to write ‘MINE.’

"Happy? And people say I'm demanding, Jesus Christ."

Bucky looks down, reads, and starts tearing up again. “Tony…” He hugs him tight. “I love you,” he says softly, brushing fingers through Tony’s hair. Bucky wishes he could do something for Tony. Tony’s given him so much now. He eases the marker out of Tony’s grip. “Turn around?”

Tony kisses Bucky gently, chaste, "Don’t cry angel, I can't stand to see you cry." He scoots off the chair, stands, and turns around.

Bucky wipes the tears away quickly, not wanting to upset Tony. “You okay to stand for a minute, Sunshine?” He draws his palm across Tony’s bare back and arranges the blanket around his hips so that Tony doesn’t get cold. Then he starts to write. Big letters, across his shoulder blades, and ending just above Tony’s right hip. He’s tempted to draw a heart, too, but that would be too sappy. “Okay, done.” Bucky settles back in the chair. “Come back and let me finish your arm?” Tony doesn’t have to blow him, he just wants to finish the poem.

Tony nods, leaning on the arms of  the chair. "What's it say? Can I do another once you're done?"

“Of course, baby.” This is turning into a regular body paint party. “Come see.” He leads Tony to the wall-length mirror in the bath and hands him a hand mirror so he can read “I LOVE YOU TONY STANK” scrawled across his back. Bucky smiles, nervous, not sure if he will freak out or not.

"I can look at this one huh?" He goes to look, a slow smile spreading over his face. "How could I forget that?" Tony turns to kiss him sweetly.

Bucky wraps his arms around Tony’s shoulders, careful of the ink, kissing back, trying to put all of the ‘I love you’ in it. “You’re not upset?”

"Do I look upset?" Annoyed at being questioned but not upset.  "You give a shit." It's nice.

“I don’t give a shit,” Bucky corrects, mildly offended. “I fuckin’ love you, you little twerp.” He grabs Tony’s face and kisses him hard for good measure.

Tony mutters incoherently about soup for brains and bad judge of character. A little dazed from the lack of oxygen. Or was it the honesty that had him stunned?

“Shush.” Bucky kisses him again.

“Turn around, it’s my turn.”

Bucky looks a little apprehensive, but he turns around and leans against the wall.

Tony draws his fingertips down down Bucky's back cupping his ass cheeks. Marker in his mouth he shakes his head. "Mmm-mm-mm."

Bucky had been expecting Tony to just write on his back like he’d done, so he’s not prepared, almost jumps when Tony touches his ass. “W-what?” So much for not being stiff for a whole 30 seconds.

He grabs the marker with one hand. The other hand drifts down to caress Bucky's inner thigh. "Like a hothouse flower. Almost to gorgeous to scribble on."

Bucky shivers. What the hell is with this guy? He’s like sex on legs. He was almost killed by sex on legs. Bucky snickers softly at that thought.

He kneels, uncapping the lid and writing his message. Complete with company logo.

“Are you seriously writing on my ass?” Here comes the twerp part.

Tony stands, setting the marker next to the hand mirror. "It looks great. You can deal with it or you can retaliate and do mine. Even though I already look like some insane person obsessed with tattoos."

“Turn around,” Bucky growls at him, and waits for Tony to do it before he turns away from the wall. Seeing Bucky’s current aroused state might derail things before they’re done tattooing each other.

He slaps Tony’s ass before kneeling down, gripping his left cheek firmly. Bucky writes “BRAT” across it. Then he lets go so the ink can dry, and writes “DELICIOUS” right above Tony’s ass, in the tramp stamp zone, with a big arrow pointing toward Tony’s sweet divide. “There.” He swats Tony’s right cheek.

Tony yelps, "Gentle! Somebody stuck a metal hand up my ass, like 30 minutes ago!" Just a reminder. He can't be that upset.

“Aww, poor baby.” He didn’t even swat him that hard. Bucky leans close, gripping Tony’s shoulders from behind. “Want me to kiss it and make it better?” He didn’t really get to eat Tony’s ass before.

"I uh, would not say no." Goosebumps on the back of his neck, he turns his head, looking up into Bucky's blue eyes. Swallows. Mesmerized.

Bucky moves to give Tony a hot, steamy kiss before sliding down to his knees behind him. He takes a cheek in each hand and gingerly spreads him, arching forward to press a soft kiss to the sore, stretched pucker. He takes a gentle lick at it, then looks up to see if it’s good or bad for Tony.

Soft and warm. Like a balm. "Who are you? What is--how are you so...sweet?"

Bucky huffs a laugh. Not the reaction he was expecting. "I'm the guy who destroys your ass and then tells it I'm sorry?" He can't tell if Tony wants him to keep going, though.  Bucky kisses the back of his thigh.

"Are you...going to stop? What's goin' on back there? Lick my wounds." Needy. Feeling quite needy all of a sudden. It's all this talk of love.

That cracks Bucky up. Brat is right. “Wow. So demanding.” But he doesn’t mean it. He gently squeezes Tony’s ass and goes back to licking it like an affectionate cat, nuzzling between his cheeks and pushing his tongue inside Tony. His hands pet Tony’s ass soothingly.

Sure he is, so what? Can’t think. So warm. "I--god that feels good. You next baby, please? You next."

Bucky continues tongue-fucking Tony for several moments before answering. He comes up for air with a gentle bite on Tony’s rump. “I thought you were gonna blow me?” He’s fine with either, he just feels the need to point out Tony is being indecisive. Then he goes back to making out with his ass.

"You want me to blow you, I will. Whatever you want. I want you to come for me. That's what I want."

Bucky pauses, using Tony’s butt for a pillow. “I…” He pets Tony’s cheek apologetically. “Wanna come inside you again.” That’s what he really wants. But Tony’s poor ass… He can’t ask that right now. “But however you wanna touch me, I’m fine. I’m good with it.” He turns and swipes his tongue across Tony’s entrance again before pushing his tongue back inside. Honestly, he could jerk off eating Tony’s ass and be fine with it. But he has a feeling Tony wouldn’t be.

"Not-" he hates denying Bucky anything. Especially that. "As soon as we can, baby, okay?”

Bucky nods. “But wait a while. I don’t wanna hurt you.” Bucky pats Tony’s butt again, gently.

He goes back to tonguing him and Tony starts to lose it. Stretching him open just right. “I want you to come. I want you to come in me." _Fuck_...just the thought is making him lose it.

Bucky groans at Tony’s words, eating his ass more enthusiastically at the thought. Tony _wants_ him to come inside him. That’s super fucking hot. He reaches for his dick and starts to jerk off while he’s tongue-fucking Tony.

Positive response. Tony keeps going, "I-I want you to come in my mouth. I want you to fill all my holes." God, his thighs are shaking like crazy.

Hearing something desperate in Tony’s voice, Bucky pauses for a moment, leaning back. “Aw, baby.” He stands up to envelop Tony from behind, wrapping arms around him. “Were you empty before I came?”

His shoulders tense the slightest bit. _Yes._ More than he can express _._ "No. I'm fine."

Bucky doesn't believe that for a second. But he also feels like it was an invasive, unfair question to ask, if he'd been serious. And he'd only been teasing a little. He kisses the back of Tony's neck, giving him an apologetic squeeze.

“You can go back to eating my ass now."

Bucky snorts a laugh. Definitely a brat. "Come on." He takes Tony's hand and tugs him gently back toward the bed. "Why don't you sit on my face?" He smiles back at Tony. "Do it the right way and you might even be able to finally get your lips on my dick." Bucky doesn't mind if Tony does or not, but he keeps harping on it...

Tony would run to the bed if he could. Instead he hobbles. Half leaning half tugging Bucky along. It doesn't look like the tongue fucking improved anything but it was definitely worth it. "Yes! Yes, finally come. Come on, come on.”

Seeing Tony hobble, Bucky whimpers and snatches him up in his arms, nuzzling him and whining as he carries him to the bed. He perches at the edge with Tony in his lap, cuddling him furiously. “I’m so sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Bucky looks close to tears again.

Tony sighs petting Bucky's hair, "Honey, if I didn't like it I would tell you. I asked for it. And it was worth it. Don't apologize."

“But you’re hurt,” Bucky whines, nuzzling Tony apologetically. “Don’t want you to be hurt.”

Tony shakes his head. There's no explaining this one. "You didn't do anything wrong, honey, don't beat yourself up over it. Alright?"

“Love you.” Bucky clings.

“Come here,” Tony soothes. “Come here, sweetheart. It’s alright. Let Tony make it better.” Tony manages to squirm out of Bucky’s lap, simultaneously pushing his angel back on the bed, gently turning him over.

“Tony...what…?”

“Shhh…Just relax,” Tony tells him, moving up behind Bucky and arranging him into an optimal position. “Nnn…”

Bucky gasps. “Tony! But...I wasn’t done yet--” Tony grips his ass firmly and goes to town, leaving no more room for arguments or conversation. He works on eating Bucky’s ass, taking him right up to the brink before backing off.

Tony swipes fingers over his lips, grinning wickedly. “Roll over, sugar.”

Bucky whimpers. “Wh-what? But…”

Tony leans close to whisper in his ear. “I’m gonna sit on your face while I suck that juicy cock of yours. You can eat my ass while you come in my mouth.”

Bucky moans, trembling, more than eager. “Tony!” He’s reaching for him, almost blind with lust, and Tony moves into position, pleased to have Bucky’s tongue inside him again. Then he shifts, focusing on the precome glistening on the tip of Bucky’s dick, starting off slowly by licking it all off. From the way Bucky gasps and moans, he’s close. Tony doesn’t prolong his torture, tempting though it might be. Soon he’s getting exactly what he wanted: Bucky’s come inside him, filling another one of his holes.

“Nn, baby,” Tony sighs. “I could do this all day.”

Bucky laughs, breathless, tugging him around to face him, dragging Tony in for a cuddle. “Jesus. Gimme...at least another minute, okay?”

“Maybe,” Tony smirks.

“What about you?” Bucky asks, rubbing Tony’s ass possessively.

“I like it here.” He gazes down at Bucky’s angel face, feeling strangely warm and fuzzy considering what they just did.

“Not that, I meant--” But Tony kisses him quiet. He knows what Bucky meant. Right now, Tony’s just enjoying getting him off.

 


	3. Tears in Those Dark Irish Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Bucky finishes "tattooing" Tony, they take a surprise trip into the jungle. Bucky discovers Tony can sing. Tony discovers Bucky can sing. And it's finally time to wake from the dream. Tony forces himself to fall asleep so that he can wake up in the real world and go get Bucky.

_How is sex with Tony always this amazing?_ Bucky thinks. He sits up, sighing. Back to business. “Now let’s finish your arm.”

He turns, pouting, "Don't you want to see yours first?"

Oh, right. Tony wrote on his ass--how could he have forgotten? Bucky’s almost afraid to look. A slow grin curls his lips. “Sure. Let’s see what you’re in trouble for now.”

Tony practically shoves the hand mirror at him, grinning like a fool.

Bucky slips out of bed, turns and looks in the big mirror. The writing is a logo. It says ‘Property of Stark Industries’. “Are you kiddin’ me? So what’s this mean? Someone from your company’s gonna come collect me now?” He almost feels like a toy in a box.

"If it has my company's name on it, it belongs to me. Nobody gets to take you anywhere but me." That didn't land where he wanted.

Bucky snorts. "Well, I guess my ass is safe, then." He pokes Tony. "At least until you get there."

"Until I get there. Yeah. It won't be long now."  He catches Bucky's hand. "Promise."

Bucky tugs Tony’s hand close and kisses it. He doesn’t want the dream to end. He’s not sure it’s worth losing Tony here for the vague chance he’ll really come to get him in the outside world. It seems far-fetched. No, it seems impossible to believe. “I don’t want you to go,” he says softly.

"I don't want to leave you alone." But he's hell bent on getting Bucky out of his little glass box. "I want you to live. You deserve it. You deserve a good life.”

Bucky hangs his head a little. Why does Tony keep saying that? He doesn’t deserve anything.

“What's the first thing you're going to do when you're free hmm? Besides the obvious." Tony smirks, getting up and leading him back to the tattooing chair.

Bucky has to think about this. “I guess...see if I can repay the king somehow.” What T’Challa had done, Bucky couldn’t really repay. But he could try. “Maybe he needs another bodyguard or somethin’.” But there’s something else more automatic. “And make sure Steve’s okay.” Because even if he can’t be around Steve, he needs to make sure he’s not doing something stupid without him.

"No. Fuck everybody else. That is not what I want to hear. C'mon, what's something you're going to do for yourself. Something good. Let's think of something." Tony sits on the arm of the chair.

Bucky picks the marker back up, goes back to painting the letters on his arm while he thinks. “Can...can I have some fruit?” It’s odd, but fresh fruit is a real luxury for Bucky. In Siberia, there had been only canned produce--if any. Mostly it had been gloopy food-like substances. MREs that were all protein and starch and horrible. The first time he’d escaped...to eat a fresh apple for the first time in 30 years...it had been amazing. There had been lots of fresh produce in Wakanda. Maybe it would be okay for Bucky to have some.

"Whatever you want babe, all you can eat."

Bucky nods, relieved that that answer was acceptable to Tony. He tucks his tongue into the corner of his mouth as he finishes the question on Tony’s arm. “There.” He looks up at Tony, grinning. “And then I’ll eat _you_.” He winks.

He grins rakishly. "Hey if that's what you want, who am I to argue?"

Bucky has to kiss Tony for that. Can’t resist.

Now he’s done writing ‘Why are you like this?’ on Tony’s left arm, Bucky peels the blanket back from Tony’s chest and begins the second question starting at his shoulder and trailing across his chest. “Hold your arm out till it dries. I don’t want it to smudge.”

He’s drawing the letters just under Tony’s clavicles, and Bucky lets his right hand play a little, teasing Tony’s pecs and rubbing his nipples now and again while his left hand works. That’s what Tony gets.

It's very hard for Tony to sit still this long. But that doesn't mean he deserves to be teased so. "Hey! I'm trying to be still!"

“Shut it, Sexy.” Bucky puts the cap on the pen and snakes an arm around Tony’s waist to lean in and kiss the fuck out of him for a couple of minutes. Bucky hums happily as he devours Tony’s mouth and teases his chest some more before finally letting Tony up for air.

A chance to move and squirm and make out with Bucky. He shakes his tingling limbs. Works his hands through Bucky's hair before it's over way too soon.

Bucky growls and snaps at Tony, wanting to keep going. But he has to finish this, damnit. Fortunately, the second question,  ‘Why are you so cute?’ doesn’t take long.

That done, he tucks the blankets around Tony’s waist and gives him a quick, much more chaste kiss. Then Bucky shifts him in his lap so that he can reach his left arm, and starts his verse on the back of Tony’s hand this time.  

"What are you writing now?" The letters look smaller from what he can tell in his statue pose.

Bucky looks up and presses a kiss to Tony’s cheek before answering. “It’s...a proposal. Like an offer I’m hoping you can’t refuse.” He smirks a little. Made a joke. “But you can’t read it till after.”

Tony lifts his eyebrows. "A proposal?" That makes him extra curious. "I hate waiting. Can't I just take a peek?"

Bucky rolls his eyes. He knows Tony’s not going to take no for an answer. “Okay, but just a peek.” He carefully covers everything he’s written so far except the first word on the back of Tony’s hand: _Come_

Tony grins. "Promising."

After that, Bucky loses track of time, writing the poem as best he can from memory--which isn’t easy. Finally, he’s done, and Tony waves his arm around.

"Can I read it now, or no?"

Bucky frowns a little. He’d wanted it to be a surprise when Tony woke up, but let’s face it. This is a dream, and when Tony wakes up in the real world, he’s going to hate Bucky just as much as he did the day before, and the day before that, and the day before that… So there’s really no point. Dream Tony wants to see it, and so he should see it. Bucky smiles hesitantly. “Sure. Go see.” He gives Tony’s ass a gentle pat.

Tony can see the hesitation on his face. "You can say no to me, Bucky bear." He reaches up to caress soft hair. "I'm not gonna be upset."

"I know." Bucky smiles, leaning in to the caress. "But...I want you to see it, and I dunno if..." _any of this is real._ "If it'll still be there later." His smile turns a little sad.

"Look I had a metal  hand up my ass tonight. If anything, I'll remember that.”

Bucky whimpers and hugs Tony again, feeling like shit for hurting him.

Tony pats him, going on one of his famous rambles, trying to explain. “I’ll feel it in the morning. I wish I could show you--ok, so I remember falling asleep. I haven't been sleeping--um, at all but I know I fell asleep. I know this is a dream. And you--you're either a part of my subconscious fucking me up, making me fall in love with the man I almost murdered or you're real. I'd rather be the impossible thing because if you're not real, baby, I have nothing good left in my life. I can explain this away, I'm good at that but I want you to be real. I need this."

Bucky panics when Tony says he has nothing good left in his life. He clutches at him, hugging him fiercely. “No, don’t say that. Don’t say there’s nothing good left.” Because that would mean he’d caused even more damage this last escape. Blew up the U.N.--his fault. Broke up the Avengers--his fault. Hurt Sam, got him and that little girl with the powers and the tiny funny man arrested, thrown in maximum security prison. Ruined Steve’s reputation, his career, his life. And on top of that, now he finds out he took away everything good in Tony’s life? Bucky’s suicidal tendencies are rearing their ugly head like the kraken emerging from the depths of the ocean. “Don’t, Tony.” He hiccups, trying not to cry again. “I don’t want that. I don’t want you to be unhappy. You deserve good things.”

"It's not--it's not the end of the world. There are worse things. You're a good thing. You're like-" he smiles, thinking of a song his mother used to play, croons in Bucky's ear," _You're like an angel, to good to be true_."

Bucky melts. “Oh god, you sing, too?” This dream Tony is amazing. Steve would never have left this guy for him. Bucky clings, needing him to be real. Even if he is, and he goes back with Steve, they had one dream together. Bucky can hold onto that.  

"A little." Tony smirks, at least it makes Bucky happy. "Usually the music’s too loud for anybody to hear it."

“Will you...will you do it for me? After I wake up?”

"What? Sing for you? Um-" That's embarrassing. "If you ask me really nice, maybe I'll do requests."

“I just mean...like…” Bucky draws little circles on Tony’s shoulder with his index finger. “When we’re alone, just. A couple bars, sometimes.”

"Sure." How can he say no when Bucky asks like that? "I'll sing for you." Butterflies? Why? How old is he, sixteen?  "I don't usually do that sort of thing-but I'll sing whatever you want me to."

“Okay.” Bucky smiles--really smiles. “I’ll think of somethin’.”

"God you're beautiful." Tony reaches for a kiss.

Bucky kisses him, sweetly at first, but with a slow burn that turns to firey passion. “Tony…” he breathes. He still disagrees that he’s beautiful, but if keeping his mouth shut about it gets him kisses…

Sacrifices have to be made. No more nookie for now. Sadly. Tony whines as he pulls away.

Bucky strokes his cheek, scratches fingers through his beard, wanting more contact, always. He pets his hair. “I’m real,” he whispers. “I’m real; you’re the dream. I love you and I’m sorry, and I wish I was awake and you were really here.” But he knows that’s impossible. And even if it were, he doesn’t deserve it.

Tony's determined now to rescue Bucky from himself. He gives a little sigh. Sacrifices have to be made...for now. The sooner he frees Bucky, the sooner he can suck Bucky's dick.

"Lie down Bucky." He says, gently wrapping his arms him, resting his head on Bucky's shoulder. "Lie down, lover, let me hold you."

Bucky whimpers a little, but obeys, wanting to hold Tony more.

"This isn't a dream, it can't be. And even if it is I'm breaking you out. If you don't recognize me, well, I'll just have to make you fall in love with me all over again." He kisses Bucky's collar bone, rubs his cheek against it.

Then Bucky does cry. His damned memory. He’s forgotten so much, but to forget this...it would be the worst. The absolute worst. It’s the most he’s had in decades. He doesn’t want to lose it. “Even if I forget you…” Bucky scrubs at his cheeks with one hand. “My heart will remember. The heart remembers.” That’s how he’d felt with Steve, anyway. It seemed to be how things worked.

Tony shushes him when he starts to cry, running fingers through his hair, trying to soothe his tired tangled mind. "Then we'll both remember and we won't have to start over."

"I-" This is hard for Tony. This blatant expression of feeling. When you go your whole life learning to mask it,  getting to express his emotions is...hard. "Don't worry angel, okay? You'll see me again."

Bucky leans his forehead against Tony’s. He wants to believe. But there’s just no way. This dream needs to last. Forever. “Sorry, Tony.” Bucky tries to get himself under control again. Tony was being so good. “Sorry I’m such a mess.” He finds a handkerchief and cleans himself up. _Very sexy, Bucky. Snot everywhere._

"You apologize too much." Tony says, dismissive. "We are working on that."

Bucky’s not sure if Tony means they’re working on not apologizing so much, or Bucky being a mess. And he’s too distracted to try puzzling it out.

He takes the handkerchief out of Bucky's hand and tosses it on the floor before handing him a box of tissues with an iron man faceplate on it.

Bucky blinks at the tissue box, then laughs, softly. “Merchandising? Really? What’re the royalties on somethin’ like this?” He takes a tissue and wipes his face while he waits for Tony to give one of his glib answers.  

"Don't know, don't care. The money all goes to Save the Children anyway." Tony snuggles down into Bucky's side, eyes sliding shut.

“Okay, if it’s for charity, then I guess…” Bucky looks at Tony, starting to panic. “Wait, are...are you going to sleep?”

He has to try. "My eyes hurt from all the..." tears, "...you know. Let me just rest my eyes a little while?”

That doesn’t bode well, but what can Bucky say? No? Hardly. “Alright, honey.” But he’s frowning, worried, stroking Tony’s hair.

“Tell me about what else you're going to do when you wake up, lover All the good things."

It’s so hard to think of good things. Good things that will never happen. Bucky sighs. He tries, for Tony. “Well. I...I’ll eat fruit and...listen to your sexy voice, if you’re singing or not. I’ll....maybe go hiking...in the jungle…” All that lush greenery had looked really beautiful. Like a botanical garden. Was it safe out there for a one-armed cripple to go walking around alone? Probably not. But who cared if he got lost in the jungle and a leopard ate him? At least he’d be part of the circle of life that way.

Bucky checks to make sure Tony’s still there. “What do you think, babe? Wanna go for a walk in the jungle with me?”

"On principle, no, but for you, I might tag along. Just to make sure you're not alone." He never wants to leave Bucky alone again. Not even to take a piss.

Bucky’s lips curl into a smile. “You’ll be my chaperone?” He pets Tony’s hair. So soft.

"Only if you're interested in fucking your chaperone in the jungle." He smirks, peeking up at Bucky.

Oh my god, that peeking is so cute. Everything about Tony is so cute. And sexy. Bucky strokes his fingertips over Tony’s cheek, smiling like an idiot. “In the jungle, huh?” He bites his lip, still smiling. “Like, just bare-assed, lying on some tropical leaves, or...or I could chase you...and catch you…” Bucky’s pupils are dilating further and further. His right hand reaches down to grab a handful of ass. Bucky nods. “Yes. In the jungle. I wanna fuck you in the jungle.” And then he adds, “Please?” in a sweet, small voice.

Amazing. That sounds amazing. "Hnng-let’s do that...let's do that right now."  The scenery around them starts to change from Tony's former Malibu paradise to a different sort of paradise, a steamy tropical  one.

Bucky's head snaps around. But it's not movement he's seen...per se. Everything is changing around them. _What the hell?_

"Fuck!" Tony shakes his head, trying to clear the thoughts away. Bucky wraps himself around Tony protectively, not sure if it's Tony doing this or not. _Home. In the garage. Focus._ "If we’re gonna do that...then I better come get you, right? As soon as possible."

"Looks like we could do it now, if we wanted," Bucky comments, glancing around. "You okay, Sunshine?"

"Yeah I'm fine angel, don't you worry. Let's just...let's lie back down okay? I need to take a breather."

Holding Tony, Bucky leans back...onto some satiny leaves, as big as his torso. _Wow._ He strokes Tony’s hair, enjoying the humid jungle air, and trying to relax a little, still on the lookout for dangerous wildlife.

"...god this is difficult." All he wants is Bucky. But he needs to sleep. So that he can wake up in the real world.

Bucky looks at him, worried. “What is?”

"This..." Saying good bye? Keeping his hands to himself? "'Not sucking you off right now."

Bucky's eyes widen. "Damn, Tony. You act like my dick is candy or somethin'. I mean...it ain't small, but it's just a dick." He grins, though, teasing Tony's beard.

Tony narrows his eyes, "How many times have I come? More than you." _Ass._ Is there something wrong with wanting to give your partner pleasure?

Bucky thinks about it. ”Um…” _Once…_ “Twice?” _Yeah, twice._ Didn’t Tony come twice now, too? Bucky’s not sure, and that makes him worried.

"This is not helping." And he can only imagine what the humidity has done to his hair. _Just close your eyes, Tony._ _Think about the hot steamy jungle, think about home._

“What’s not?” Bucky asks. What exactly is Tony trying to do? Relax? “You want me to rub your back?”

"The leaves! The--the jungle noises! The steam!" It’s sweltering suddenly. He's skin is clinging to Bucky's--not uncomfortably, but in a way he can't ignore. Wants him so badly he could cry.

Bucky just frowns down at him, unable to figure out what the problem is. “You want away from the leaves?” He holds Tony tight and stands up, scooping him into a more comfortable carrying position. Bucky starts to make his way through the jungle, looking for a less leafy comfortable, safe place to lie down with Tony.

This is nice though. Tony likes sort of swinging gently in Bucky's arms. _Huh_ . "Sing me a song, honey. You gotta sing better than your pal Rogers. Kept the cats awake with his yowling." Oh there it is again. That stabbing pain. Why is everything he does connected to Steve? _Whatever._

Swaying. Singing. Sleep.

Bucky laughs softly. “Poor Steve. He never could carry a tune.” Bucky has a very old memory...he _thinks._..of Steve being asked to leave the boys’ choir. His singing disrupted mass, or so the nun had said.

But him, sing? Jeez, what to sing? Bucky doesn’t remember a lot of music. He’d found some at the public library in the states before he’d gone to Romania, but it’s not as though he’d been able to check it out, just listen on the free machines they’d provided. A weird song, old but younger than he is, comes into his head.

“ _Life could be a dream_ …” He starts out hesitantly, unsure of the sound of his own voice. “ _If I could take you up to paradise up above...If you would tell me I'm the only one that you love, life could be a dream, sweetheart…_ ” Oh no, he’d sung the word he’s not supposed to say. Bucky stops, glancing down at Tony apologetically.

Soothing. He can feel the tension leaving his body, slowly seeping out of him. It's not often Tony feels this relaxed. That is until Bucky says the Steve word and his face goes rigid with pain for a half a second before he can neutralize it.  That came out of nowhere. Like a bullet through his chest. "Keep going." He's having a hard time regulating his breathing. "Please?"

Bucky pushes on, adding the silly nonsense background lyrics in case they’ll help Tony cheer up. “ _(Hello, hello, again, sh-boom and hopin' we'll meet again). Oh, life could be a dream (sh-boom)_ .” Bucky dips down gently when he sings sh-boom, as if the sound effect has affected his gait. “ _If only all my precious plans would come true...If you would let me spend my whole life lovin' you, life could be a dream, Sunshine…_ ” Bucky hurriedly substitutes the word he’s been using every time he starts to say the forbidden word. He glances down at Tony to make sure it’s okay. In the distance, he can hear running water, so Bucky heads that direction.

Tony out and out giggles.

A wide grin spreads over Bucky’s face. Giggling? This guy giggles, too? And sounds totally adorable???

Loving Bucky, loving his sweet voice, his silly song, the bounce to his step. He'd taken that word out of the sentence--no, made it about Tony. To good to be true. He's starting to scare himself. "Kiss me again, sexy." Tony needs this to be real.

Bucky stops walking so that he can concentrate on kissing the daylights out of Tony. “Hmmmm…” Bucky growls longingly, closing his eyes, trying to get himself under control. “Want you,” he sighs.

When Bucky looks up, he can see the waterfall through the trees. He presses forward until they’re standing a few yards from the water. It’s beautiful, the way the spray forms a kind of halo over the falls. Bucky sits down on a patch of soft moss, cradling Tony in his lap.

Why is it not going away? Stupid jungle. Stupid sexy super soldier. Stupid metal arm. He reaches over and licks it.

Bucky’s eyebrows shoot up, and he blinks. “You okay, Sunshine?” He kisses Tony’s forehead.

"Fine. Really." Not a ball of tension. Nope. Totally fine. He wonders idly what the hollow of Bucky's throat tastes like. Wills the thought away.

Bucky watches Tony for a minute, trying to figure it out. Well, it doesn’t seem to be anything dire. If he wants Bucky to know, he’s certainly not shy. They’ve established that much.

"Again. Kiss me again." What would happen if he never woke up? If he just stayed here?

Bucky chuckles at how demanding Tony is. Reminds him of a little kid asking for something. “Alright, baby.” Bucky kisses him slow and deep.

It's so beautiful.  Why would they ever leave? Why would he ever want to? It's so nice to be held. Feels so good. He leans back against Bucky's chest.

Bucky snuggles Tony, kissing his neck. “Better?” He takes Tony’s hand, the one with the poem on it, and looks down at the words, then up at the falls. _Weird._

"I'm fine, Bucky bear." He lifts Bucky's hand to his lips, brushing a kiss over his knuckles.

He smiles at the kiss. “What am I, your damsel in distress or somethin’?” But he’s teasing.

"Damsels in distress need to be rescued. Sometimes even kissed awake." So yes. Sort of. If Bucky would let him fall asleep.

Bucky’s eyes narrow. “So yes, that’s what you’re sayin’.”

"Do you want me to kiss you awake?" He smirks, trailing his fingertips down Bucky's face.

Bucky sighs. He can tell Tony’s enjoying this little joke. “Yes,” Bucky tells him, with only a bit of thought. Yes, he would like that. And then maybe for Tony to climb into the pod with him to steam up the glass a little--but maybe not if Steve was there. Bucky’s trying to imagine how Steve would feel about that...

"I'll kiss you awake." Soon. Because this is real. He knows it. Can feel it.

“And then?” Bucky traces a line down Tony’s jaw to his neck, his shoulder, sliding a fingertip across his chest to teasingly circle one areola.

"And then we can go for that nature hike you wanted to take." He can feel the goosebumps prickle on the back of his neck at the touch.

“And then?” Bucky’s finger traces a line down Tony’s chest to his glory trail, gently scratching its way south.

His dick twitches; he tries not to whine, "Then we can play chase."

Bucky watches it, like a cat who’s spotted a laser dot. Bucky bites his lip. “Nnn, Tony...can I suck your dick?”

_Sacrifices, Tony, there will be another time_. "Later, honey. Promise. Lie back down with me some more.”

Bucky whimpers, looking longingly at Tony’s groin. But Tony’s said no, and Tony is his chosen handler now. He settles back with Tony in his arms.

"Scratch my head some more?" Just a little while longer.

Bucky runs his fingers through Tony’s hair, gently scratching his scalp with his chewed fingernails.

"And what did I say about worrying  over me?” Tony continues a thought from earlier. “Don't do it.”

Bucky’s forehead crinkles in a semi-frown. “Checking in isn’t the same as worrying.” And Tony is going to have to find a new dream-boyfriend if he means it about the worrying thing.

"No?" Tony sighs, content, head falling back on Bucky's shoulder. His free hand drifting up to smooth out the lines on Bucky's forehead.

“No, honey.” Bucky smiles. “Is it worrying if I ask you how close you are to coming? No. If I ask you how your day was? No. If you’re sick and I ask are you feeling better? No.” He gives Tony a quick peck on the lips.

"What, you're just concerned about my general condition? How sweet." Tony lets his eyes drift shut, clutching Bucky's hand to his chest.

“Babe. You were acting distressed.” He runs his fingers through Tony’s hair.

With his free hand, Bucky takes Tony’s poem hand again, and gently extends his arm, reading, “Come with me and be my love/ By shallow rivers to whose falls/ Melodious birds sing madrigals…” He kisses Tony’s fingers, looking out at the falls and the water again.

"Mmmm you Brooklyn boys and your accents." Makes him feel like he's home.

That makes Bucky feel a bit strange. Has Tony been comparing him to Steve in his mind this whole time?

"More. Tell me the rest."

Bucky follows the script up Tony’s arm with his index finger, underlining the ink. He continues, more hesitantly, “And I will make thee beds of roses, and a thousand fragrant posies…” It’s a silly line, but also he’s feeling insecure now. Tony really wants this to be Steve sitting here with him, not Bucky.

"The rest, honey. It's good for that brain of yours. You remember it don't you?" Bonus, it's putting him to sleep.

Bucky chuckles softly. “I wrote it down, babe.” He traces the lines on Tony’s arm.

“Listen to me dance and sing

For your delight each May-morning.

If these delights thy mind may move…

then live with me, and be my love.”

He squeezes Tony’s hand, stroking his knuckles gently across Tony’s cheek.

"You wrote that whole thing from memory?”

“I know it’s not right, but...poems are easier.” Bucky feels self-conscious.

“How are you even aware of Marlow?"

“I just liked the sound,” Bucky admits. “I was at the library a lot after D.C. ...before I left the States.”

_Stop talking, Tony, you're spoiling the plan._ "Do you remember anything else?"

Bucky tries to think of something. “I remember…’the companions of our childhood always possess a certain power over our minds which hardly any later friend can obtain….’ Should he not have said that? But he remembers how powerfully that line had hit him when he’d read it months ago.

“Recite more poetry to me, Romeo."

“Um…” Bucky tries to think. This one’s long...no way does he have all of it still…

“You see me where I stand,

Such as I am: though for myself alone

I would not be ambitious in my wish,

To wish myself much better; yet, for you

I would be tripled twenty times myself...”

Bucky glances down. Is Tony asleep?

"That's the wrong play, Romeo." Almost asleep, slurring his words. But his inability to keep his mouth shut is begging him to have the final word.

Bucky frowns. “I don’t like Romeo and Juliet.” He thinks. “ _West Side Story_ is way better.” And then he bursts into song, “ _Mariaaaaaaaaaaaa! I just met a girl named Mariaaaaaaaaaa…_ ”

"That's-" It makes him lift his head off Bucky's chest, pulled out of his semi unconscious state. "Not ‘Maria’. Something else. That song-- Not a great choice for your vocal range." Not even remotely true and a little bit mean, but kinder them the truth.

Bucky stops. It’s much easier not to sing. He’s not sure Tony’s right about the range, but the bottom line is Tony didn’t like it. So he just stays quiet, petting Tony’s hair, and listening to the rush of the water.

It should be easy for him to go to sleep now that it's so quiet. He was right there at the precipice. Now the silence is too thick between them. Like he's hurt Bucky's feelings.

"Maria was my mother’s name."

Okay, that explains it. Bucky feels cold. “Sorry, Tony.” He can’t seem to get anything right. “Was she Irish?” Bucky has no idea. He can’t remember her face. And he’s glad. “Scottish?”

"Italian." He clings, burying his face in Bucky's chest. So many conflicting emotions. Isn't this some kind of insult to her memory, whatever he's doing with Bucky? But it makes him so happy. His mother would want him to be happy, wouldn't she? "Change the subject. Anything else." He can't breathe.

Bucky just wanted to check before he went on. If she’s Italian, then _Brigadoon_ should be safe. He pets Tony’s hair and tries singing again. “ _Come to me, bend to me, kiss me good day...Darlin', my darlin', 'tis all I can say..._ _Just come to me, bend to me, kiss me good day..._ _Give me your lips and don't take them away_ …”

That's better. Breathe, Tony, breathe.  "I love you." It's important to Tony that Bucky knows. Remembers. Especially after his little emotional  breakdown. He tries to match Bucky's breathing...listen to his heartbeat....

Bucky watches Tony, sees he’s falling asleep. But it seems like what he wants. His eyes are stinging. He just bends to kiss Tony gently. “I love you, Tony.” He came back before. Maybe he’ll be back again. Bucky holds him for as long as he can.

And then Tony’s gone. And he is, too.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This completes this series. Tune in for the next one, in which Tony storms Wakanda to get his Bucky. 
> 
> Coming soon. 
> 
> This series now has a playlist! Choose your platform:  
> [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/22sgqffibzqlauaulzewtwmla/playlist/0IrHU25IQp7n7RNMJNsVe5)  
> or  
> [Youtube](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLpke0seXZF1uxj354mTQiSEHfDt95EcHq) (featuring the official video of Robert lip-syncing the series title song)


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